GOD LTD IS COMING TO THE FRINGE

And what better way to celebrate than a heavenly office party?

Gossip Girl here! Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of STAG’s  elite  all-inclusive, welcoming society.

 That's right folks, STAG is hitting the Edinburgh fringe this august, Ryan Rutherford's 'God LTD' is a less-than-angelic comedy set in heaven, following a group of God's best angels as they attempt to run the office while he goes on vacation. And it's going to be amazing.

The office party was a roaring success. I took it upon myself, yes, me, Trudy the office intern, to gather all the juicy office gossip from the angels, CEO, chairpeople and IT workers alike.

(Me, Trudy, and Jamie C, a colleague of mine)

So equipped with my clipboard and name tag, this was the gossip I managed to squeeze out of the poor intoxicated souls, interview style.

QUESTION ONE: What is your favourite type of cheese?

(Baby steps. Bare with, just luring them in.)

"Brie"- Conor O'Donnelly.

"Extra mature cheddar"- Michael Cartledge.

"What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Hallou-mi!"- Christian Lihou (Get out.)

You heard it here first.

QUESTION TWO: What is something angelic you have done?

"Helped an old woman across the street"- Pretty much everyone I interviewed.

"I can't think of anything"- Everyone else.

Nice, guys. Great to know we're such a charitable society who have helped so many in such a range creative and original ways.

QUESTION THREE: What is a sin you have committed?

("There we go, that's more like it!"- Everyone)

"I've lived in my flat a whole year and only ever bought toilet paper once"- Christian 'The Snake' Lihou.

"I said a hip hop,

The hippie, the hippie,

To the hip, hip hop, and you don't stop, a rock it

To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie,

To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat."- David Bain

"I once bit into a kitkat without snapping the two mini bars apart"- Annie 'The Reckless' Bird.

"I accidentally dropped Dave's guinea pig into an electric fan. It died. That's an understatement, actually."- Bob the angel

"I pee on my young"- Rebecca 'Responsible STAG Mumma' Smith

"Is drinking a sin?"- Mia 'Mad Wan' Clarke

"Spent the whole morning googling security cameras for the Meadows..."- Ewan 'Cray-Cray' Shand

"Being Gay"- Gregor Weir

"I was part of a lollipop dealing franchise in primary school"- Hanni 'Mafia Mama' Shinton

"Sometimes I circulate videos of minions amongst friends and tempt them in with pornography"- Marlene...

Ok I can't carry on you guys are too much I'm going to go to the next question before we all get fired.

QUESTION FOUR: Any office gossip?

"Ewan Shand has the floppiest hair of any human being."- Annie Saxberg (Breaking)

"Rumour has it the CEO (None other than Mr Rutherford) has been fraternising with Jane from Department C and entering himself into the prayer answering machine."- Megan McKenna (escándalo)

"I heard Gabe stuck himself in the photocopier... but made no copies"- Bob the Angel (there seems to be a theme emerging here)

"Evan from IT has a fucking massive head and is shit at his job and we had to fit him a new halo"- Kirsty Fraser (AKA the office Queen Bee)

UPDATE !!!: Kirsty Fraser later approached me with the juiciest gossip yet...

"Rebecca was seen getting very close with Evan from IT, and now her name tag is STUCK to him??? How did that happen, Rebecca and EvanfromIT???"

Well, Evan? Explain yoself.

QUESTION FIVE: Say a little prayer for meeee

"Why is the sky blue?"- Flora Robson

"Lalalalala let everyone be happy and optimistic pls I hate dead unhappy people"- Isabelle Ribe

"Don't do drugs, save a life, learn an instrument"- Max Chase (Words to live by)

"I pray Miriam won't crash and burn the society in a Steps-related disaster"- Phoebe Elliot

"Benedictum sit sanctum nomen Domini pro Reginis fundatricibus nostris caeterisque Benefactoribus"- Michael Cartledge

"Dear God, pls cure my chronic handsomeness"- Evan from IT (name and shame, Zac Simmons in disguise)

And, finally...

QUESTION SIX: What do you think of the CEO?

"Bit eh a knob, got approximately 3 redeemable qualities...

1. He looks like Morrissey

2. His glasses are cute but about five years out of fashion

3. ... He looks like Morrissey"- Calum Ross

"He jogs to work which saves the environment. And he looks good in a suit with a pair of trainers."- Jamie Carline

"He's a good kisser"- Rebecca Russell (Throwback to 'In Sickness and in Health')

"Stern, a bit much, but I'll be damned if he doesn't get the job done and give it a red-hot go. Also he looks like a pre-comeback Robert Downey JR."- Bob the Angel

"I can't believe we did a whole NTN and all we got was him. We did all of NTN to find Ryan fucking Rutherford"- Annie Saxberg

"Looks like a tall Ronnie Corbett"- Phoebe's Mum

"He's just great, y'know, focused, and yet so humble"- Ryan Rutherfo-YOU DON'T COUNT GO BACK TO YOUR OFFICE JEEZ.

(Disclaimer in case any of Ryan's extensive team of lawyers is reading this, we love him really. We promise.)

(Bit of lighthearted Office beer-pong)

I'll finish with one final piece of not-so-secret gossip.

SPOTTED: CEO Ryan Rutherford getting down and dirty with Gabe the Angel in an impromptu-strip-tease for the half-thrilled half-revolted crowd of co-workers.

(You can strip but you can't hide)

And who am I?

That’s one secret I’ll never tell.

You know you love me.

xoxo… Trudy the Intern-

Oh, dang flabbit.

MEET THE NEW BOARD

MEET YOUR NEW STAG BOARD

The board for STAG 2017-18 has been officially chosen and it's all very exciting- the new board have already helped the old board choose the NTN play for 2017, been shadowing the old board members and have gotten hideously drunk in the park to celebrate their new role of immense responsibility...

So here they are, the official list of all the roles, what they entail (take note freshers) and a wee bit more about the people of your new board!

1. THE PRESIDENT

Name: Miriam Plassmann (AKA Madame President, AKA Khaleesi)

Year: 4th after the Summer!

Role Entails: "Apparently in charge of this society!"

Fun Fact: Was Welsh disco dancing champion at aged 11, still whips out moves whilst intoxicated.

(Reppin' STAG 24/7)

2. VP (STAGNIGHTS)
Name: Zac Simmons (AKA STAGNight in shining armour)
Year: 4th after the Summer as welllll!
Role Entails: Running the STAGNights festival (our first semester festival)- "I take it as my personal mission to be as annoying as possible to everyone on board"
Fun Fact: "I once threw up so violently whilst drunk I ripped the sink off the wall"
Impressive, Zac!

(Beary organised

HA)

2. VP (NEW WORKS)

Name: Chris Duffy (AKA Writey-ho)

Year: Going into 3rd year

Role Entails: "I run the New Works festival and produce STAG's fringe show"

Fun Fact: "I once had a pet fish who I imaginatively named 'Fish'"

Let's hope you can channel that creative madness into New Works, Chris!

(Looking a bit melancholy)

3. GENERAL SECRETARY

Name: Ashley Thompson (AKA Ash-slaaaay)

Year: Going into 2nd Year 

Role Entails: "I'm the one that writes everything down and nags everyone to do stuff"

Fun Fact: "I play the cello and I sing but not at the same time!"

Nice, multi-talented!

(look at that organised wee face)

4. SOCIAL CONVENER 

Name: Keir Aitken (AKA social butterfly)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role Entails: Organising socials which act as fundraisers for upcoming STAG shows, the infamous sub crawl, and the annual end-of-year ball!

(Don't ask)

5. BACKSTAGE MANAGER

Name: Gregor Weir (AKA Stagey Spice)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role Entails: Managing stage managers, doing get ins/get outs during STAG shows and making sure no one dies lol

Fun Fact: "I worked as an elf in santa's grotto this Christmas"

Elf? Wizard? Make up your mind Gregor pffft.

(Yer a wizard)

6. COMMUNITY OFFICER

Name: Max Aspen (AKA Workshops McGee)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role Entails: "I've got to make sure STAG doesn't lock itself away without contact from the outside world!

Fun Fact: "I somehow found myself in the unfortunate situation of doing a string of embarrassing impressions in front of a very hungover Eric Idle"

I'm sure he greatly appreciated it.

(Thinkin' bout workshops)

7. FINANCE SECRETARY

Name: Mia Clarke (AKA Give-Mi-ya-Money)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role Entails: Adding up!

Fun Fact: "Having crashed into lamppost and falling into a bush at 6pm I'm hoping to bring less calamity to the board this year"

As long as your wallet wasn't crashing into any bushes we should be fine Mia!

(cash dolla yung money $$$)

8. DESIGN OFFICER

Name: Harry Penrhyn Jones (AKA Life-and-soul-of-the-ARTY)

Year: Going into 4th year

Role Entails: "I'm in charge of making the publicity material- posters, programmes and so on- for our various projects. This involves pencils, photoshop and a lot of time spent deliberating about fonts. I am not allowed to use MS paint." That's gutting news, Harry.

Fun Fact: "There are no fun facts about me."

(Memories, all alone in the moonlight)

9. PUBLICITY OFFICER

Name: Annie Bird (AKA Tweeting Bird)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role Entails: Publicising STAG shows on social media and by outreaching to people and advertising! It's also me that writes this blog so hello thank u for reading :))))

Fun Fact: I once woke up with a sombrero over my face, a bowl of cereal at my feet, wearing nothing but a hawaiian garland. Still don't know where any of that came from.

(on ma way to slide the STAG account into yo DMs)

10. TECH MANAGER

Name: Stella Sewell (AKA Light of yo Life)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role Entails: "I break things until they work"

Fun Fact: "I've watched Dreamworks Trolls 12 times and counting"

(IIIII'M GONNA SWIIIING FROM THE fresnel spotlight's barndoors)

13. VENUE MANAGER

Name: Morgan Noll (AKA Noll Pain Noll Game)

Year: 3rd year!

Role Entails: "My role is finding spaces to hold rehearsals and performances for our acting to take place! Because what is a project without somewhere to practice, eh? I'm tasked with calling and cataloging our potential performance spaces to ensure we've got the best theatre for our specific events!"

Fun Fact: "I had a series in grade school about a hobo who went on various adventures and every Friday I would perform these stories in front of the class until the end of the year where the hobo eventually found love, a house, and reconciled with his brother."

                            (Yas Queen)

12. ORDINARY BOARD MEMBERS

Name: Jenny Barron (AKA Ord Lord)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role entails: "I do a lot of different jobs and help out wherever I can on the board, like sorting out tickets for shows."

Fun Fact: "I've played a tree in not one but TWO productions in my life so I try and not let fame get to my head."

(If an angel peed in a bottle it would be echo falls peach and passion fruit)

Name: Jamie Carline (AKA b-ORD-erline Insane)

Year: Going into 2nd year

Role entails: "I basically show up for the snacks. I also have the pleasure of not having a specific role so I can help everyone out in different ways."

Fun Fact: "I'm left handed which means I'm likely to live longer and worship the devil"

(Come through ord board)

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your beautiful board for 2017-18! Minus the first year Ord Boards who will get their own post when they're recruited after the Summer!

I would like to add that the day we all got elected Jamie fell over on the street leading him to bleeding in multiple places and smashing his phone and left his wallet in the park, me and Jenny nearly fell out a tree, and all of us forgot to eat until 3am.

Wish us luck lol.

SUB CRAWL 2017

The Most Memorable Forgotten 14 Hours of the Year

 About 60 Theatre kids walk into a bar... Then another bar, then another bar, then a-

You get the picture. Throw in a playpark, a big city and some fast-moving vehicles and you have the annual STAG subcrawl. 

What could possibly go wrong?

A lot, apparently, according to you crazy bunch of boozy messes.

I asked you to send in your few-and-far-between memories from the event, to put together a collage, if you will, of the night- oh wait- day. Slash night. Slash early hours of the morning.

Hoping this will jog some memories.

First up, we have the President of STAG. The rolemodel, the mother hen, the responsible one we all look up to-

"The subcrawl was a great success for me as i made it all the way around and went to hive for the first time. Unfortunately i drunkenly ordered 16 dominoes chicken strips despite my recent vegetarianism. I tried to brush my teeth the next morning and the mint was so strong i proceeded to throw it all back up into my boyfriends sink. The end"

-Kirsty McAdam, 2K17.

An inspiration to us all.

Next up, the beautiful Gregor Weir (who literally never drinks very out of character indeed can't believe he even came on the subcrawl tbh OH WAIT):

"On this year's sub crawl, I somehow ended up on the floor of Hive after knocking Michael over (soz), and split the bit of skin between my upper lip and gum. I still don't have it"

Don't worry Gregor, at least it wasn't your bit of skin between your head and your shoulders.

Niko Single Liertz stars, next, in: 'The Tale of the Long Night' (we have all been instructed to read this in a seductive tone)

"The day started as most do over in maranotown. 3pm curing a hangover from the bad choices of the night before. Keir sleeping beautifully next to me after passing out watching Hamilton for the millionth time. When suddenly it hits me. "Fuck sake Niko don't do it. Don't go out tonight. You are hungover as Fuck". But I have to. I have to go out because FOMO. So me and Keir slump out way to the 4 or 5th stop on the subcrawl. (We where late)... People where already drunk or as the Scots say. STEAAAAMINGGGGG mate.

I proceeded to spend the money the German government gives me to survive... on booze... and questionable life choices. After the first place the whole thing becomes a blurred mixture of events. One second I'm running across a field towards a kids playground. Next minute I'm climbing on top of the glass subway station covering at Buchanan street. And then I'm in hive..."

Please tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't remember Niko standing up here?

Jenny Barron keeps it short and sweet in her main recollection of the day/night:

"Brigita fucking falling between the subway tracks and making me soil my underwear"

Again... Just me who doesn't remember/didn't notice this happening?

And finally, a closing statement from yours truly...

"I'm the proud owner of the ability to say I made the full 14 hours. Let's just leave it there and not mention the sad fact that I successfully ended up in Hive with a toilet paper dispenser I took off the wall of the boy's toilets on my head, before stoating home eating naan bread (Where did I get that from??) and only one shoe. Gutted, I loved those shoes."

Head on over to Instagram for a parting gift, a short film which I feel sums the whole shebang up rather nicely...

https://www.facebook.com/events/1455272514528768/?acontext=%7B%22ref%22%3A%2229%22%2C%22ref_notif_type%22%3A%22plan_user_joined%22%2C%22action_history%22%3A%22null%22%7D&notif_t=plan_user_joined&notif_id=1493916619530481